Where were we again? Something about root beer? No, wait, I got it! I was trying to dominate the local convenience store! No, that's right, Big M. and Cleveland were at a castle surrounded by Government Knights, and Quezon and the Tour Guide were outside the jail surrounded by goblins... oh yeah. MEGADEATH was playing. So, I suppose we should continue, or should I say "I", because you actually haven't done any of the work.
Ok, Big M. got up and stagger to the stairs, Cleveland followed, both of them still bleeding out from their injuries. "If we don't heal soon, we'll die! And the 'time bug/poor excuse for a respawn point' is out of batteries!" yelled Big M.,
"You know, you didn't have to recap, besides, and have you ever heard of dying from blood loss in an RPG?"
"Yeah well, Chris wasn't gunna do it. And, no, but I got poison from the sword, and you got tetanus."
"From a wooden table?"
"No, from this rusty old lead pipe."
Big M. took a lead pipe from the ground and gave Cleveland tetanus.
"Why would you do something like that?" asked Cleveland. But before Big M. could answer, the knights brought up a ram and started banging on the door. They were both hurt, and all the weaponry they had was a bent sword and a rusty old pipe.
"Hey, I wonder if any of the magic milk is still in the fridge?" said Big M.,
"Magic milk?"
"Yeah, heals 20hp and restores all magic!"
"Where's the fridge?" asked Cleveland as he tipped a table over and slid it up against the door.
"Third floor!"
"Well, then, let's get going!" said Cleveland mockingly.
Big M. didn't have time to come up with a witty reply as arrow came flying into the room: the knights had broken through the door. But Cleveland and Big M. darted up the nearby stairway, bleeding all over the nice carpet. At the middle of the staircase it forked into two smaller sets going in opposite directions. Big M. grabbed the piece of furniture display and hurled it down the stair to slow down the knights. It managed to clobber a few, but there were hundreds, a few even had grenades.
Big M. and Cleveland both took different directions up the stairs. Big M. steered left, and ran into the dining room where he was greeted by a knight who had managed to climb up a trestle outside a window. The knight was just ready to fling the his axe, when Big M. picked him up and dropped him over his back, onto a table, which happened to have waxed fruit, and it just so happened, the a carrot went straight through his amour, and pierced his heart.
Meanwhile Cleveland; who went right, had run into an ogre, who had been there since the party on the second day of defeating the evil queen, and could not find the front door to leave. He smacked the ogre (knocking him out cold) and stood him in front of the doorway. The knights on Cleveland’s tail saw the ogre, and assumed he was a vase. Not wanting to destroy the vase, they started looking for an alternate route, buying Cleveland more time.
Cleveland and Big M. met up, just having gotten to the elevator, to ride to the third floor. Luckily, during the great depression, the queen replaced all elevator music, with Twisted Sister; to lighten the mood. Perfect for Big M. and Cleveland to listen to, before fighting a amour suit, level 93.
So, the elevator doors opened, and stood before them, the level 93 knight, who actually, was just cheep floating amour. The cheep amour, however had and axe, which he just barely missed Big M. with. Both Big M. and Cleveland ran right out of his way, into the kitchen, and towards the fridge.
"Ahh, here it is!" said Big M. pulling out the magic milk. He turned it upside down over his mouth, but nothing came out. Cleveland snatched it from him and looked inside the container. It was full with milk.
The amour was getting close to them.
"It’s solid." stated Cleveland.
"Well what do you expect? It's bin in there for two months."
"Two months! It's rancid!"
"Eat up!"
"I can't it this."
"Tetanus."
"I'm going to kill you!" Cleveland reached in the container and grabbed a handful of... it... and stuffed it in his mouth. "It's disgusting!"
"Let me have some!" Big M. followed in Cleveland's steps.
Both of them were left with two options. Eat the nasty milk, or die...
Meanwhile:
The tour guide and Quezon were standing outside the jail surrounded by angry goblins. But they weren't attacking them, they were just growling. Mind you they were pretty stupid, the might have forgotten how to walk. But through the group, came the large vampire who they've been chasing.
"Morning!" he said cheerfully
"It the afternoon," corrected the tour guide.
"Oh well anyway, wondering why the goblins are behaving?"
"They're brain-dead?" suggested Quezon.
"No, they're looking forward to a life of ease and pleasure."
"How's that?" asked the tour guide.
"Well, I've convinced the guards the villages and kill the two you were meeting here, so now, the goblins won't have to worry about them and can take over the towns."
"So, you've staged a goblin revolt?" said Quezon.
"Yes well, the goblins are tired of being treated like morons, every story, every fantasy book, always says 'goblins are stupid'."
"But they are." said Quezon.
At that point, a small goblin in a flannel shirt with a belt walked through and stood next to the vampire.
"Actually, some of us are quite educated." he said.
"Wait, what's in this for you?" asked the tour guide.
"Revenge, Billy,"
"How'd you know my name?... oh, John?!?"
"I told you never to call me that!" yelled the vampire.
"You were that nerd in preschool!" said the tour guide, with wide opened eyes.
"You were the obnoxious jerk who kept saying 'Mrs. Patty, I have to use the John' and pointing at me!" cried the vampire, or John.
"But, it was funny."
"You made preschool a living hell for me!"
"Your just angry because I managed to build a bigger block tower!"
"No I'm not!"
"Excuse me," said Quezon.
"Shut up!" they both said in union.
"Revenge! HAHAHAHAHA!" yelled John.
The tour guide, or Billy, grabbed his sword and cut off John's keg in the middle of his evil laugh. With a large roar, John jumped in the air, and commanded the troops to attack. Quezon was pulling out his sword when John used his blood to blind him, shooting him in the eye with it.
Quezon grabbed his eyes, rolling back, slipped in a blood pool, and fell on the ground. Actually, he fell through the ground, into another secret underground jail, that he happened to fall in, a long time ago, and was lead to the Queen’s castle for exaction with Big M.
The tour guide also fell in with one other goblin. The rest of the goblins, all ran right into each other, resulting later, massive headaches. Anyway, Quezon smacked the goblin, (knocking him out cold) and used him as a crow bar, to band to cell bars back, making for an escape route, to the castle, were he, Big M., Cleveland, and the tour guide would meet up. SO Quezon and the tour guide, made their run.
Meanwhile:
Cleveland and Big M. were still trying to swallow the rancid milk, while the magic amour, came dangerously close. Bir M. finally gulped it down, refilling his magic and health, and healing his poison wound. He conjured up a large blue ball, and used it to fry the amour.
Cleveland also chugged the milk down, and conjured up and even large blue ball and shot it at... no, the amour is already dead, so he hit the castle. And it exploded. It was cool.
"What happened to the roof?" asked Quezon, looking up at what used to be the castle.
"Umm, hey look, Cleveland and Big M.!"
Cleveland and Big M. fell smack onto a pile of rubble, to be met by Quezon and the tour guide. They all got up to meet each other, and all seemed to be okay.
"Well," said the tour guide, "without any guards, the villages will all be taken over in days."
"Well that's good." said Quezon.
"How's that?" asked Big M.,
"Now there's room for a fourth."
To comment on/discuss this story, go to:
http://www.alternative-internet.com/forums/viewtopic.php?pid=1018
This story is a part of the Forest of No Return series.
http://www.alternative-internet.com/serials.html#forestofnoreturn