Barg the Trucker
By J.R.R. Tolkien... or Quezon

One day Barg and Joe were passing a large mattress factory when an ambulance drove by. Barg and Joe
hurried down to see what the problem was. They came upon a few men crowded around another man laying
on the ground. "Out of the way!" cried Barg. "I'm a doctor!" The men scurried out of the way and let Barg
in. He saw the man looking like he was in much pain. He replaced the hand attachment on his arm and
converted it into a stethoscope. He placed it on the man's chest and listened closely. After
letting the other men get dizzy with anticipation he said sadly. "I'm sorry fellows but this
man is dead.

"It's not true!" said the man who was laying on the ground. "I just hurt my leg!"
"No, no, no, your dead, I know, I have a degree in doctorizm."
"Doctorizm?"
"Yes, see, you are even suffering from amnesia."
"How can I have amnesia if I'm dead!?!"
"I knew it! I'm afraid to say this man is stupid."
"Are you dense?" said another man from the crowd.
"I know you are but what I'm I?"
"What?"
"I know you are but what I'm I?"

Before Barg could pester the men any longer the police and the ambulance arrived. "I'm afraid I must
be going." said Barg as he started elbowing himself out. He hopped in one of the ups trucks and drove off.
Before long he heard sirens echoing behind him obviously the police.
"HAHAHAHA! Asphalt justice!" cried Barg. Unfortunately for him, he almost squashed an old lady. Joe grabbed
the wheel and started trying to steer themselves to safety.
"TAKE THIS FOOLS!" yelled Barg as he shot missiles out from his arm at the police. It was a direct hit and launched
the car 50 feet high in the sky.

After taking care of the police, Barg took a sharp turn and flew on to the highway. While he was taking that turn a
package flew out from the back of his trunk and hit a man in the face. The man passed out into a coma for 27 years
and when he woke up he had weird powers and a TV show.

After camping out for five hours Barg headed back into town were an eager looking ups man stood waiting for him.
"Wonna job?" he said staring at Barg stupidly.
"Why?" asked Barg as this sudden question was asked.
"When you took that turn the package that flew out at the man was his. He's still out but that was the greatest delivery
I've ever seen."
"Oh, umm, when do I start?"
"NOW!" yelled the man as he handed Barg a clipboard and shoved him in his truck. He hopped in and yelled out to Joe
who was sleeping in the trunk... (trunk monkey... hehehe...)
"Hey, get up were going to Wisconsin... cheezheads." Joe rolled his eyes and hopped in the passenger seat. And so off
were they, driving miles and miles to the pointless state of Wisconsin... On and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
until finally they reached the land of CHEEZE!

Barg drove down the streets as he realized everything in the whole town was made of cheese! He hopped out of his truck
and started looking around. He grabbed a piece of the sidewalk and took a taste.

IT WAS VELVITA! Oh the pain poor Barg endured as the nastiness that was velvita slithered slowly down his neck. Then he heard
a strange noise, other than the sound of himself barfing. It was the cheese people of Wisconsin! Barg whistled with his fingers
for his Dragon Marvin but he could hardly for the taste of Velvita still sat in his throat. Barg hoped in the trunk with Joe
and sped off at like, 70 mph err something. Anyway, the sped off and drove as fast as they could away from the zombies of cheese.
But soon they ran into another group of zombies. Barg sped up and stared tearing through as many as they could. Then he saw a
Water fountain!
"Joe, keep them busy!" Barg hopped out of the truck and ran to the water fountain, while Joe grabbed a machete and started
tearing up zombies. Barg kept drinking, Joe kept fighting, and finally the taste of Velvita was gone. Barg Whistled as loud
as he could, and soon Marvin come. With a quick blast of fire, Marvin managed to eliminate all the cheese people and save
Barg and Joe. The both hopped on Marvin and flew away.

THE END... No offense to those of you who live in Wisconsin.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This story is a LANDMARK for Quezon. With the exception of made-up words, which don't count,
Quezon only spelled ONE WORD WRONG in this story. Shortest and best edit I've ever done. I'm gonna cry. It's so beautiful.

Also, if you loved this story (and believe it or not, you did), consider buying an official Barg Trucker Hat.
For only $12.99 you can buy this poorly-designed hat to wear trucking, or doing something else. Find it at:
http://www.cafepress.com/aionlineshop