When the last instalment of Sir Rupert’s epic trials was released nearly two years ago, we left the brave knight discussing the more obvious points of making a cheesecake with a member of nobility – a short sidetrack on his way towards…
The Third Turn
As a way of showing his gratitude towards Sir Rupert, King Cloud gave him access to his Personal Transportation Eagle (PTE). Sadly, despite his strict diet of cheesecake and absolutely nothing else, King Cloud was a very lightweight fellow and Sir Rupert, laden down with armour, was not.
If that wasn’t clear enough, the PTE fell.
Luckily Sir Rupert landed safely in a soft pile of sharp rocks.
Sorry, no. That’s not right at all.
A soft pile of sharp – no, soft – hay.
Getting up and looking around, Sir Rupert found himself in the ruins of a fantastic city. All around him were collapsed towers, hollow stores, empty homes, and evil demons.
“Oh dear,” said Sir Rupert, drawing his sword as a demon, foul fangs on full display, charged towards him.
“Shing!” The whistle of Sir Rupert’s sword echoed off the fallen walls around him as him cleaved the demon in two, spinning to confront a second demon racing at him from behind and dispatching him as easily as he had the first with a swift stab through the chest.
This went on for quite some time as Sir Rupert battled his way out of the ruined city – and directly off the edge of a cliff.
“That’s not good…plus, it’s silly,” Sir Rupert said as he fell. Then, “ahhhhhhhhh!”
The Fourth Turn
Down and down fell Sir Rupert fell, away from the Lost City of Demons, until he landed with a soft thud in a pile of hay.
Getting up and looking around, Sir Rupert found himself in the ruins of a fantastic city. All around him were collapsed towers, hollow stores, empty houses, and a stage equipped with a state-of-the-art lighting and sound system.
“Oh dear. Deja vu.”
“Sup, oh knightly armour-clad dude,” said a man on the stage.
“Who are you,” Sir Rupert questioned in reply.
“I am Extra Lax, lead singer of The Demons, and these guys are my band,” he gestured to a group of three men behind him, “and his is my guitar.”
“Oh. Pleased to meet you. Would any of you happen to know the way to the dragon?”
“That’s it!”
“That’s what?”
“The name!”
“The name of what?”
“The song!”
“What song?”
“This is getting old.”
“You shut up!”
“Who was that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh…what song?”
“The one I just wrote! That’s the name! I couldn’t think of a name but that’s it! ‘The Way to the Dragon!’”
“Ahh.”
“Yes!”
“NO!”
“What?”
“Sorry.”
“What WAS that?”
“No idea.”
“Left.”
“Huh?”
“The way to the dragon,” said the bass player of the Demons, rolling his eyes, “it’s left.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Intermission
At this point, Sir Rupert held an intermission, which would be a very good opportunity for you to use the bathroom, should you need to. Further, this is an excellent opportunity to question exactly what happened to the Personal Transportation Eagle and why the surly epic battle in the Lost City of Demons was cut so very short, at least descriptively.
Not that you’ll be getting any answers, but it is still an interesting question.
There are no comments on this article yet.
This was posted on Saturday January 29, 2011.